| A man walks outside to his car for work, when he notices a gorilla in his tree. He rushs to his phone book and finds the animal control number, calls and asks them to send over someone who's a gorilla expert. When the man arrives, he is carrying a shotgun, a chihuahua and a pair of handcuffs. The man says,''What are all of those for?'' The animal control officer says, ''I'll climb up in the tree, knock the gorilla down, the dog will bite him in the nuts and you must slap the handcuffs on his wrists.'' The man asks,''What is the gun for?'' The animal control officer responds, ''If I fall first, you shoot the dog!''' |
| Q: What's black and dangerous and lives in a tree? A: A gorilla with a machine gun. |
| Q: Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree ? A: Because it was dead. |
| Q: Why are gorillas so noisy? A: They were raised in a zoo! |
| Q: What do you get when you put an experimental monkey in a blender? A: Rhesus Pieces. |
| Q. Why does Rilla get mad when he's in a race? A. Because all his friends shout, "GO-RILLA!" |
| Do you know a favourite expression used by the Gorillas? Apesy daisy! |
| Do Apes kiss? Yes, but never on the first date! |
| How come the giant Ape climbed up the side of the skyscraper? The elevator was broken! |
| How did a Gorilla come to be with Washington at Valley Forge? He had seen a sign saying, 'Uncle Simian Wants You!' |
| How did Gertie Gorilla make the 'Playboy' Calendar? She was 'Miss Ape-ril!' |
| How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show! |
| How did the dog warn its master that a Gorilla was approaching? He barked g-r-r-r-illa! |
| How did the obscene telephone caller get attacked by the Gorilla? He made a mistake and dialled a preyer! |
| How do we know that Apes are like fish after a rainstorm? They'll both bite at anything! |
| How do you make a Gorilla float? Two scoops of ice cream, some club soda and a very tasty Gorilla! |
| How do you make a Gorilla laugh? Tell it an elephant joke! |
| How do you make a Gorilla stew? You keep it waiting for three hours! |
| How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae! |
| How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes? Hold up your arm and say 'Go back, you didn't say 'May I?'' |
| How does a Gorilla become another animal? When a Mafia don hires a 'big Gorilla' to be his bodyguard and the big Ape goes to the cops and turns into a stool pigeon! |
| If George Raft's wife gave birth to twin Gorillas, would they be the Apes of Raft? |
| If you put 30 female Apes and 30 male Apes in a bedroom, what do you have? A very large bedroom. |
| If you throw a great Ape into one of the Great Lakes, what will it become? Wet! |
| What did George Washington have to do with Gorillas? As little as possible, dummy! |
| What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming? Paul, stop monkeying around! |
| What did the Gorilla call his first wife? His prime-mate! |
| What did the Gorilla do when he saw the sign, 'Clean Washroom'? He cleaned it! |
| What did the great Ape say as he plummeted from the skyscraper? Listen baby, I think I'm falling for you! |
| What did the great Ape shout to the pilots who tried to shoot him off the skyscraper? Listen, hotshots, don't monkey around with me! |
| What do they feed a gorilla when he goes to Paris? Ape Suzettes! |
| What do you feed a 600 pound Gorilla? Anything it wants! |
| What does a Gorilla attorney study? The Law of the jungle! |
| What does a Gorilla learn first in school? The Apey-cees! |
| What excuse does an Ape give for abducting a pretty girl? I can't help it - she brings out the beast in me! |
| What gives a gorilla good taste? Four years in an Ivy League school! |
| What happened when the Ape won the door prize? He didn't take it - he already had a door! |
| What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla? Nobody is sure, but if it opened its mouth to speak, you'd listen! |
| What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus? You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves! |
| What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes? A banana split! |