| How did the ghost song-and-dance act make a living? By appearing in television spooktaculars. |
| What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost. Fasten your sheet belt. |
| What do you call a ghost that stays out all night? Afresh air freak. |
| Why did the ghost go to the funfair. He wanted to go on the rollerghoster. |
| Why did the ghost work at Scotland Yard? He was the Chief In-Spectre. |
| What do you call the ghost who is a child-rearing expert? Dr Spook. |
| Which ghost ate too much porridge? Ghouldilocks. |
| What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at his local pub? The landlord said "Sorry, we don't serve spirits." |
| What is a ghost boxer called? A phantomweight. |
| What happened to the ghost who went to a party? He had a wail of a time. |
| Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage. |
| Did you hear about the ghost who learnt to fly? He was pleased to be back on terror-firma. |
| Did you hear about the ghost who enjoyed doing housework? He used to go round with the oooo-ver. |
| Who did the ghost invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up. |
| What are pupils at ghost schools called? Ghoulboys and ghoulgirls. |
| What do you get is you cross a ghost with a packet of potato chips? Snacks that go crunch in the night. |
| What do you call a ghost who only haunts the Town Hall? The nightmayor. |
| Woman in bed: Aaagh! Aaagh! A ghost just floated into my room! Ghost: Don't worry, ma'am, I'm just passing through. |
| A man was staying in a big old house and in the middle of the night he met a ghost. The ghost said, "I have been walking these corridors for 300 years." The man said, "in that case, can you tell me the way to the toilet?" |
| What did one ghost say to another? I'm sorry, but I just don't believe in people. |
| What do you call a ghost who's always sleeping? Lazy bones. |
| Who said "Shiver me timbers!" on the ghost ship? The skeleton crew. |
| What do young ghosts write their homework in? Exorcise books. |
| A butler came running into his important master's office. "Sir, sir, there's a ghost in the corridor. What shall I do with him?" Without looking up from his work the master said, "Tell him I can't see him." |
| Ghost: Are you coming to my party? Spook: Where is it? Ghost: In the morgue - you know what they say, the morgue the merrier. |
| Which ghost ate too much porridge? Ghouldilocks. |
| Did you hear about the sick ghost? He had oooooo-ping cough. |
| How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat? You use a spirit level. |
| What did the mother ghost say to the naughty baby ghost? Spook when you're spooken to. |
| What is a ghost's favorite Wild West town? Tombstone. |
| When do ghosts play tricks on each other? On April Ghoul's Day |
| Why don't ghosts make good magicians. You can see right through their tricks. |
| What sort of violin does a ghost play? A dreadivarius. |
| Which day of the week do ghosts like best? Moandays. |
| Why were the ghosts wet and tired? They had just dread-ged the lake. |
| Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Whaler. |
| One night, after closing time a barman is sitting at his bar minding his own buisiness, when a spectral hound floats in through the door. The barman, being an exceptionally cool kind of guy, asks "yeah, what do you want?". The phantom hound explains, in a haunting voice "I've lost my tail...... and cannot rest until a kindly barman stitches it back-on". At this request the barman stands back astonished and says to the phantom dog..... "Sorry, but we don't re-tail spirits at this time of night". |
| Q: How do ghosts fly from one place to another? A: By scareplane. |
| Q: What directions did the ghost give the goblin? A: "Make a fright turn at the corner." |
| What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off ? Ban-she, ban-she ! |