| Why don't cannibals eat comedians? They taste funny. |
| Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater. |
| Why was the cannibal expelled from school? Because he kept buttering up the teacher. |
| When do cannibals cook you? On Fried-days. |
| What does a cannibal eat with cheese? Pickled organs. |
| How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand. |
| What happened when the cannibals ate a comedian? They had a feast of fun. |
| What happens if you upset a cannibal? You get into hot water. |
| What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again! |
| What did the cannibal say when he was full? I couldn't eat another mortal. |
| Why was the cannibal fined by the judge? He was caught poaching. |
| What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him. |
| How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian. |
| What is a cannibal's favorite food? Baked Beings. |
| Why did the cannibal live on his own? He was fed up with other people. |
| Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses." |
| Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads? Because they're headcases. |
| What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday? He ate himself. |
| First cannibal: I can't find anything to eat! Second cannibal: But the jungle's full of people. First cannibal: Yes, but they're all very unsavory. |
| Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter? It sure gave them something to chew over. |
| Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor? They were given a right roasting. |
| Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other "I don't like your friend." The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables." |
| The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful." |
| "Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher. "What did you make of the new English teacher?" "Burgers, ma'am." |
| Two cannibals were having lunch. "Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other. "Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly." |
| First Cannibal: Who was that girl I saw you with last night? Second Cannibal: That was no girl, that was my supper. |
| Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects. |
| Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew. |
| A cannibal son and his father are out looking for food. They are watching people walk down the street. The son suggested a particularly plump woman and the father rejected saying that she's too fatty. Later on the son asked about a very skinny woman. Again the father refused saying that she's to skinny. After a while the son pointed out a very attractive woman." sure son" the father replied, drooling. "We'll take her home and eat you mother!" |
| Q. What did the cannibal's wife give her husband when he came home late for dinner? A. The cold shoulder. |
| Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!" |
| First cannibal: We had burglars last night. Second cannibal: Did they taste good? |
| First cannibal: I don't know what to make of my husband these days. Second cannibal: How about a curry? |
| The cannibal king was having dinner when a servant came running in. "Your Majesty," he said, "the slaves are revolting!" "You don't have to tell me," said the king. "I'm trying to eat them. "Where did we get these slaves anyway?" "From the country next door," replied the servant. "We must get a new butcher," said the king. "Bring me Delia Smith." "We can't, Your Majesty, she's still cooking for you." "Well, bring her to me once she's crispy enough," said the king. |
| What does a cannibal call a skateboarder? Meals on wheels. |
| What is the cannibals' favorite game? Swallow my Leader. |
| What happened to the cannibal lion? He had to swallow his pride. |
| Did you hear about the cannibal who went vegetarian? He couldn't stop eating swedes. |
| Cannibal Boy: I've brought a friend home for dinner. Cannibal Mom: Put him in the fridge and we'll have him tomorrow. |
| A cannibal chief was just about to stew his latest victim for dinner when the man protested, "You can't eat me ? I'm the manager!" "Well," said the cannibal, "soon you'll be a manager in chief." |