| What did the scornful owl say? Twit twoo. |
| Two owls were playing pool. One said, "Two hits." The other replied, "Two hits to who?" |
| What do you get if you cross a giant, hairy monster with a penguin? I don't know but it's a very tightfitting tuxedo. |
| Why did a man's pet vulture not make a sound for five years? It was stuffed. |
| What does an educated owl say? Whom. |
| What do confused owls say? Too-whit-to-why? |
| What did the baby owl's parents say when he wanted to go to a party? You're not owld enough. |
| What do you call a vulture with no beak? A head banger. |
| Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls (bagels, get it?). |
| Did you hear about the chicken that wanted to take ballet lessons? "He wanted to be a hentertainer." |
| What kind of doctor does a duck visit? A Ducktor. |
| Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas??? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday." |
| How do you stop a rooser crowing on Sunday ? Eat him on Saturday ! |
| What kind of bird lays electric eggs ? A battery hen ! |
| Why do ducks have webbed feet ? To stamp out forest fires ! |
| What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer ? A brick-layer ! |
| Why does a rooster watch TV ? For hentertainment ! |
| What happens when geese land in a volcano ? They cook their own gooses ! |
| Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air ? Because eggs were going up ! |
| How do you make a tame duck wild? Annoy it. |
| Why do parrots carry umbrellas? So they don't become polly-saturated! |
| How can you tell if a parrot is intelligent? It speaks in Polly-syllables! |
| What's a parrot's favourite game? Monopoly! |
| A man with a talking parrot is getting married. On the day of the wedding he says to the parrot "Now look here, I know you are always sat in that window sticking your beak in, when me and my new wife get back from the wedding I want you to turn round and and no matter what you hear I do not want you to turn back or I'll break your neck, do you understand?" The parrot reluctantly agrees. On returning from the wedding the parrot turns round as instructed, and behind him the bride and groom start to pack for the honeymoon. The wife however has packed too much and they can't get the case closed. "Get on top and sit on it baby!" Says the man the woman does so and grunts and moans but can't shut the case. "You get on top baby it might be better" Says the wife, so the man grunts and groans and tries his best but still cant shut the case. After a little thought the man says "Ok we'll both get on top see if that's any better!" The parrot turns round and says "Neck or no neck I have to see this!" |
| What do you call a woodpecker with no beak ? A headbanger ! |
| Where do birds meet for coffee ? In a nest-cafe ! |
| Why did the owl, owl ? Because the woodpecker would peck 'er ! |
| What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework ? A firequaker ! |
| What flies through the jungle singing opera ? The parrots of Penzance ! |
| What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker ? A bird that talks in morse code ! |
| What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish ? Tweetie Pie ! |
| Why did the chicken cross the playground ? To get to the other slide |
| What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck? A bird that lays down ! |
| What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon? They go on peck-nics ! |
| What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg ? The bombshell ! |
| Q: Why did the chicken say, "Meow, oink, bow-wow, and moo?" A: He was studying foreign languages. |
| What is a parrot's favorite game? Hide and Speak! |
| Teacher: What's the definition of a Polygamist? Pupil: A parrot with more than one wife! |
| What do you call the place where parrots make films? Pollywood! |
| Which bird ran for President? H. Ross Parrot |