| Doctor, doctor, I'm having difficulty sleeping. Doctor: Well maybe it's your bed. Oh, I'm all right at night, it's in the day I have problems. |
| When Mr Maxwell's wife left him, he couldn't sleep. Why was that? She had taken the bed. |
| What is the softest bed for a baby to sleep on? Cot-on-wool. |
| Why do people go to bed? Because the bed won't come to them. |
| What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on ? A horse ! |
| Sonny: I can't sleep. What should I do? Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you'll be sure to drop off! |
| How can you shorten a bed? Don't sleep long in it. |
| Why did the man take a pencil to bed ? To draw the curtains ! |
| Shall I tell you the joke about the bed? No, because it hasn't been made up yet. |
| Why did the bed spread? Because it saw the pillow slip. |
| Mother: Did you make your bed today? Daughter: Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one. |
| Why does your brother wear a life jacket in bed? Because he sleeps on a waterbed ! |
| Why did your sister keep running around her bed ? Because she was trying to catch up with her sleep. |
| Why did the girl take a ruler to bed? She wanted to see how long she slept. |
| Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed? Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count! |
| Why are rivers lazy? Because they never get off their beds. |
| Why do you go to bed? Because the bed will not come to you. |
| Why shouldn't you believe a person in bed? Because he is lying. |
| When does a bed grow longer? At night, because two feet are added to it. |
| When is your mind like a rumpled bed? When it isn't made up yet. |
| Why did the kid punch the bed? His mother told him to hit the hay. |
| Why did the boy take the ruler to bed? He wanted to see how long he slept. |
| Knock Knock Who's there ! Bed ! Bed who ? Bed you can't guess who I am! |
| What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed? Sleep on the sofa. |
| How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed ? When your nose touches the ceiling ! |
| What do tigers wear in bed ? Stripey pyjamas ! |
| Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming there are great, gooey, bug-eyed monsters playing tiddley winks under my bed. What shall I do? Hide the tiddley winks. |
| Witch: Doctor, doctor, I don't feel well. Doctor: Don't worry, you'll just have to go to bed for a spell. |
| The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board, but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board. |
| Who stole the sheets from the bed? Bed buglars. |
| What should you do if you find a snake in your bed? Sleep in the wardrobe. |
| What do you call a python with a great bedside manner? A snake charmer. |
| What should you do if you find a witch in your bed? Run! |
| Father: Why did you put a toad in your sister's bed? Son: I couldn't find a spider. |
| Why did the composer spend all his time in bed? He wrote sheet music. |
| I don't think my Mom knows much about children. Why do you say that? Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake, and gets me up when I'm sleepy! |
| I was once in a play called Breakfast In Bed. Did you have a big role? No, just toast and marmalade. |
| Did you hear about the granny who plugged her electric blanket into the toaster by mistake? She spent the night popping out of bed. |
| You can't have any more chocolates tonight. It's not good for you to go to bed on a full stomach. Oh, Mum. I promise I'll lay on my side. |
| I'd like to buy a bed, please. Certainly, madam. Spring mattress? Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all year. |