| A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. "Well, Skip," said the scout, "Mum had only one dose of castor oil left, so I let my baby brother have it." |
| Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins" "That's funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets" The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!! |
| Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street. "Say," said Dewey, "Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin' ta night school ta take Spanish lessons. How cum?" "Uh huh," answered Odell. "We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old enough ta talk!" |
| What are baby witches called? Halloweenies. |
| Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food? He wanted something to get his teeth into. |
| Knock knock. Who's there? Underwear. Underwear who? Underwear my baby is tonight? |
| My new baby is the image of his father. Never mind. just so long as he's healthy. |
| Fred: My mum's having a new baby. Drew: What's wrong with the old one? |
| Cry Baby - by Liza Weeping |
| What is a baby: A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other. |
| Why did you drop the baby? Well, Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see if he did. |
| It can't go on! It can't go on! What can't go on? This baby's vest ? it's too small for me. |
| Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit's new baby? She thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor because it was a horrible yeller. |
| Mum, are the Smiths very poor people? I don't think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask? Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin |
| Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water, please? But that's the tenth one I've given you tonight! Yes, but the baby's bedroom is still on fire. |
| Doctor, doctor, my baby's swallowed a watch! Give it some Epsom Salts: that should help it pass the time. |
| Why is a baby like an diamond? Because it's a dear little thing. |
| When a baby is learning to eat, shouldn't he have an L-plate? |
| Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer? Because he wanted frozen pop. |
| Mum, is it true my baby sister came from Heaven? Yes, that's right. Well, I don't blame God for chucking her out. |
| Why does a mother carry her baby? The baby can't carry the mother. |
| How does a baby ghost cry? "Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!" |
| What do you get if you cross a mountain and a baby ? A cry for Alp ! |
| What do you get if you cross a baby with soldiers ? Infantry ! |
| Knock Knock Who's there ! Baby ! Baby who ? Baby love, my baby love.... ! |
| What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies quiet? Egyptian dummies. |
| Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib? Daughter: You told me to change the baby. |
| Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, They don't make Pampers small enough. |
| Why are babies always gurgling with joy? Because it's a nappy time. |
| Mrs Brown: Who was that at the door? Veronica: A lady with a baby in a buggy. Mrs Brown: Tell her to push off. " |
| I see the baby's nose is running again," said a worried father. "For goodness sake!" snapped his wife. "Can't you think of anything other than horse racing?" |
| A distraught mum rushed into the back yard, where eight-year-old Tommy was banging on the bottom of an old upturned tin bath with a poker. "What do you think you're doing?" she demanded. "I'm just entertaining the baby," explained Tommy. "Where is the baby?" asked his Mum. "Under the bath." |
| How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? You rock-et. |
| Would you rather have a baby brother or a baby sister? I'd much rather have a jelly baby. |
| Who is bigger - Mrs Bigger or Mrs Bigger's baby? Mrs Bigger's baby, because he's a little Bigger. |
| Do you like your new baby sister? She's all right. Do you play with her? No, and we can't even send her back because she's been here more than 28 days. |
| Today I saw a baby who had put on five stone in weight in two weeks by drinking elephant's milk. Whose baby was it? The elephant's! |
| How do you get a paper baby? Marry an old bag. |
| What did Baby Corn say to Mother Corn? Where's Pop Corn? |
| What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake? Stop crying and viper your nose. |